Skylar Berget

Wife. Mom. Teacher.

We Got Married!

by Skylar on category

Find Friends is a wonderful App. I had been locating Kody since 3:15 pm to see if he had left work because we had an appointment at 4:00 sharp at the courthouse. At 3:45 pm, I called Kody from home and told him he probably should meet me in the parking lot so we wouldn’t be late. I looked down at what I was wearing, shrugged, and walked out the door with our marriage license. Waiting for the judge to call us back, we both chortled at the fact that Kody was in his work clothes, and I was wearing joggers and an oversized sweatshirt. Ten minutes later, we walked out of the courthouse hand in hand, happily and officially married. I hopped into Kody’s truck to head somewhere to eat, and we both started laughing. How incredibly memorable this experience was! Pregnant, empty courtroom, drove separately from our jobs in our work clothes! Kody said, “I can’t wait to tell Poppy about the day we got married!”

At age 25, I was living my best life; fulfilled, whole heart, and genuinely satisfied. I spent the school years teaching. I looked forward to Mondays. Fridays and Saturdays were spent in a gym coaching basketball, or I was heading out of town to meet friends. In the summers, I lived like a gypsy, only going home long enough to do laundry before heading off to another adventure. In the quiet moments, I did a lot of soul-searching and journaling about my current lifestyle and the future. I can honestly say I was at ease. I had let go of the All-American Dream of marrying and having kids in my twenties. I wasn’t even sure I wanted that life for myself anymore. I didn’t want to tap my breaks. I didn’t want to settle down. I was living a life that offered all the satisfaction my heart desired.

Kody came into my life in 2019. It wasn’t like he swept me off my feet and vice versa. It took us over two months to find time to go on our first date. Sometimes it’d take us two days to reply to each other’s text. Clearly, Kody was in the same place I was in life. Being in a relationship was not a priority. Although my instinct was to have one foot out the door, it was hard to look past how similar our core values were, with family and faith at the peak of our pyramid.

So how did such a casual relationship turn into a courthouse wedding? We both made the gamble in 2020 to say goodbye to our very settled lives and move to Kalispell together. We started unfamiliar jobs in a new town with few friends and no family. We had no one to lean on but each other. There were some tough days. We had to learn to communicate our needs and wants with respect. We learned to offer space when one needed independence. We learned how to be selfless within our relationship. For the first time in my life, I would get excited to go home at the end of the day. I stopped wanting to spend my evenings in the gym and the weekends out of town.

2020 turned into 2022.

We knew we were going to be partners for life. I wasn’t going anywhere. Kody wasn’t going anywhere. We didn’t necessarily need each other financially or even emotionally, but we chose to share a life. Life was better together. I didn’t desire to get married. I have nothing against marriage but I wasn’t interested in a wedding. We talked about getting engaged, but that’d be weird if we had no intent on having a wedding.

I remember conversing over coffee with a good friend when I was back home visiting. We talked about my move to Kalispell and if I regretted leaving my life in Fairfield behind; the coaching, my family, and all my friends. It was an easy response. “Yes, I miss Fairfield, but if I could go back and do it all over again, I’d make the same decision. Fairfield isn’t home for me anymore. Kody is my home.”

So how did two people who agreed not to get married get hitched at the courthouse?

Contrary to what many of our friends and family believe, we did not get married because we were having a baby or for insurance or tax reasons. We got married for all other reasons.
We married at the courthouse because it was our intimate way of committing to each other. We married because we chose each other. I still pick him over everyone else, even on his bad days. Kody loves me harder on days I am hard to love. When the bad times come, we are not going to run. I don’t care if we are rich or poor or if our rings are diamonds or made of silicon. I want to hold his hand until we are a hundred. If the worst happens and one of us falls sick, Kody is the one I want to sit in the hospital with. I would go to the ends of the Earth with him. Kody is the joy of my life.

Body Image and Pregnancy

by Skylar on category

I love to learn. I spend much of my free time scanning articles, reading Blog Posts, or listening to Podcasts on topics that interest me. Information is abundant on the internet regarding almost all aspects of pregnancy; sleeping hacks, what to pack in your hospital bag, postpartum recovery, etc. However, body image and pregnancy are rarely discussed in conjunction with one another. Yet, they are undeniably connected – in my opinion. 

A woman’s body undergoes many physical, emotional, and hormonal changes during pregnancy. My gym shorts started to feel tighter around week six because of bloating. And breast growth! I was not prepared for that lovely development. Then, slowly, throughout the weeks, my body has continued to grow, and grow, and grow. Yes, my body (not just my belly). As my body transformed to become a home for a baby, my mind started to ridicule itself for falling short of achieving what I thought was the ideal pregnancy figure. 

Body image is all about perception. Body image is about the emotion, thoughts, and feelings that the physical representation of our being elicits within us. One’s relationship with his/her/their perception of self is unique and deeply personal. 

If you scroll back to previous Blog Posts, it is no secret that I have struggled for years with my own perception of my physical self. For as long as I can remember, standing naked in front of the mirror meant scanning my raw and exposed frame for blemishes, defects, and inadequacy, leading to a life struggle with body dysmorphia and anorexia athletica. 

Given my history, it is natural for one of my ‘pregnancy fears’ to be terrified about my body image during pregnancy. Obviously, priority #1 is a healthy baby. Still, I do not want to slide into old habits of negative self-talk, the desire to control, and just making poor choices. 

Around week 16, I kept asking Kody if I looked pregnant or fat because when I looked in the mirror, I thought I looked like someone who’d indulged in a few too many desserts over the Holidays.

I had a habit of calling myself fat for a couple of weeks. Kody, lovingly, told me that fat was no longer a word we would use in our house. He explained, “What if Poppy called themself fat? I know you wouldn’t allow our child to talk about themself that way. Our child will learn how to love themself from watching and listening to you.” 

 A few weeks after that, I pouted as I threw clothes out of my dresser, trying to find any tank top that wasn’t too tight that I could wear to the gym that morning. Aside from the weight gain, my skin started to change dramatically. I’ve never worn makeup, and I’ve been blessed with a clear complexion (even through puberty)… until now. My cheeks are permanently rosy, and it looks like approximately seven zits could surface at any time. 

The second trimester is strange because you, as the pregnant woman, notice how round you are becoming, but you don’t necessarily look pregnant. Regardless our fears are real. They are our reality within our perception of self. It’s okay to struggle with those fears. It’s also necessary to embrace them, work through them, and then let them go. 

Three Ways To Love Yourself During Pregnancy 

  1. Stop comparing yourself: Everybody and every body is different. It’s difficult not to compare yourself to friends and family members who are slim and slender. You know, the type they don’t look pregnant at all from behind and keep their chic figure with just the tiniest, cutest baby bump. Every pregnancy is different. Trust that your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. Have faith that your body and the baby’s body are working together in harmony. 
  2. Nourish Yourself: You cannot control the transitions of your body throughout the pregnancy or even the size of your bump, but you can control how to nourish your body. I’ve noticed that if I select healthy food choices, I am less likely to be lethargic, have negative self-talk, and be more pleasant to be around. 
  3. Express Gratitude: Take a step back and acknowledge how seriously incredible it is to be growing a human inside of you. It is normal to feel insecure, have fear, and have bursts of anxiety. Instead of getting caught up in worries and uncontrollable factors, focus on gratitude. Remember that there are women out there that are dying to be in my position right now. Show your body love by taking care of it, nourishing it from the inside out, and being gentle with how you talk to yourself. 

I was told the other day, “You look beautiful pregnant.” Those four words meant everything to me. I will never again engage with a pregnant woman and not disclose those four simple words to them. 

First Trimester Woes and Wins

by Skylar on category

The Good and The Bad in Pregnancy 

Pregnancy is such a special and unique experience. There is power in creating life inside of your body. We always hear about pregnancy’s joys and beautiful parts: the glow, the bump, and the creative Instagram photoshoots. Yet, we rarely hear or speak about the less attractive and more challenging moments that come with pregnancy. 

As I write this, I am past 20 weeks, over halfway there! I am writing this blog post because the process is wild, especially in the first trimester. At times, it can feel lonely and overwhelming. Knowledge is power – the power to control the fear, the anxiety, and the shame of admitting that things aren’t always great. I am not in a position to provide any knowledge or advice regarding this topic, but I can share my experience. I hope it can ease the mind of all pregnant moms, those preparing to be moms, and those who want to be moms. What I am ethically trying to say is pregnancy can be fucking hard. Everything is transitioning – your body, your home, your world. Anyone would struggle with that from time to time. You are not alone. 

What Saved Me 

The first trimester can be all-consuming. It’s a huge thing happening in your life. Not many people know about the pregnancy, and you often don’t feel like yourself mentally, emotionally, or physically. Even if you feel blissful and are one of the lucky few who feel great, the first trimester can be tricky to navigate. A few things I ‘accidentally’ did (and I say accidentally because I had no damn clue what I was doing) made the 14-week period bearable. 

  1. I had a Person: At the point in time when Kody and I started talking about having children and what our timeline looked like, I reached out to a well-trusted person in my life, my cousin Kelsey. I confided in Kelsey about my concern with fertility, when I should get on daycare waiting lists, how children will change the dynamic of Kody and I’s relationship, and so much more. Kelsey holds a wealth of knowledge between her experience with her kiddos and over a decade of work as an OB nurse. Kelsey was, and still is, my safe place. She provides honest advice while offering comforting support. Weeks 5-11 were my most challenging thus far. Implantation cramps scared the hell out of me. Was I already showing, or was I bloated? Are boobs supposed to hurt this bad, and when do they stop growing/swelling? Is it normal to fall asleep while sitting straight up? I was ALWAYS tired! I still remember texting Kels in the middle of the day, freaking out that I had been drinking herbal tea nonstop. Apparently, too much herbal tea can cause miscarriage, and I was drinking A LOT. Her response was so chill that it completely took my anxiety away. (FYI: After further research, herbal teas are 100% safe to drink as long as FDA regulates the brand). Having one person that was always a text or phone call away, that knew all my dirty details, saved me from going down many Google search rabbit holes. Kelsey saved me multiple meltdowns by providing me with her safe ear. Kelsey is the person who has been willing to travel my journey with me unselfishly. Find your one person. 
  2. Telling People: The internet will suggest not telling people you are expecting until after your first trimester. Logically, that makes sense because, statistically, the probability of miscarrying after the first trimester significantly decreases. I knew we were not telling family and close friends until we made it through the first trimester. That was non-negotiable for both of us. On the other hand, I value transparency. Although I don’t show emotion through crying, I will verbally communicate every emotion I am feeling to those I spend time around daily. Pregnancy provokes feelings and unwanted symptoms, and it wasn’t that I couldn’t hide or suppress those at work, but I didn’t want to. I spend more time at work than at home, so I told my co-workers after our 6-week ultrasound, along with the coaches at the CrossFit gym I attend. I knew the consequence of releasing the news would be telling them if I miscarried, but I was okay with that. I believe in vulnerability, and telling the people I spend my days around allowed me to feel all my feels and be 100% transparent on my bad days.
  3. Communicate EVERYTHING with Your Partner: Before conception, Kody expressed that he could only support me if I were honest about what was happening inside my head. From then on, I found time to communicate my needs, wants, and emotions to Kody. I would tell him I needed to spend the weekend sleeping when exhaustion took over. I told him when I wanted him to encourage me when I was feeling defeated about my body changing. I told him when I was feeling agitated, sad, or fearful for no particular reason. I was scared a lot in the first trimester. I was terrified to do something that would hurt the baby, but I was mainly afraid of miscarriage. Kody frequently reminded me of two things: 1) what happens to us happens for us, and 2) nothing is wrong with the baby until we have a reason to believe something is wrong. I had a difficult time getting good sleep early in my pregnancy. I was experiencing terrible insomnia. It was early Saturday morning, and since I didn’t have to go to school, I decided to wake up. Maybe some hot tea and the recliner would help the cramping I was encountering. At 3:00 am, you don’t pay much attention when you use the bathroom, but when I looked down, all I saw was blood. I didn’t take the time to respond. I reacted by running upstairs and shaking Kody awake. My voice was shaky, so it took me three times to say that I may be having a miscarriage before Kody registered my words. I went to the bathroom, sat down, and started sobbing. Kody walked into the bathroom and said, “You need to stop crying. I don’t think that you miscarried. Let’s go downstairs and watch a movie until you fall back asleep. What movie do you want to watch? And you need to stop crying.” I said, “The Grinch.” Kody’s response may seem insensitive to you, but if you know me at all, he gave me exactly what I needed. I needed to be told everything was okay, but most importantly, I needed him at that moment, which is what he gave me. That Monday, we went to our doctor and were told I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. An SCH is bleeding under one of the membranes surrounding the embryo inside the uterus. Although I was restricted from all exercise, there was a heartbeat! I can’t imagine going through this process without a supporting partner. I am most grateful for having a partner who hears me. I genuinely believe that having open communication has allowed us to voice our fears and excitement throughout this journey. 

Well, there you have it! 

Probably more detail than anyone asked for about my first trimester: the ups and downs, the moments of weakness, and the accidental wins. There is beauty in surrendering to the process for those of you who are used to being in control. Acknowledging that pregnancy, what I am doing right now, is more significant than me. I hope that some of this information can be a resource. Most of all, thank you for the outpouring of love and support for us and our lil one. 

Cheers, friends! 

✕