Relationships

Being pregnant is similar to riding a roller coaster. There is excitement, fear, anxiety, joy, and anticipation. At my 36-week appointment, I asked my OB if she had any advice as I prepared to become Mom. She replied, “Spend as much quality time with Kody as possible in the next few weeks. Go on a road trip, watch movies together, and go out for a nice dinner. Your life is about the change forever, in a wonderful way, but you’ll never have this time of only Skylar and Kody again. Don’t wish these last few weeks away. Enjoy them.” That is not what I thought she was going to say. I was expecting a list that included the following:

Preregistering at the birth center.
Ensuring my breast pumps are working.
Prepare frozen meals.
Have a formula on hand.

I left my appointment that day with thoughts of the Kody and Skylar era coming to a close. In the following days, I admitted to Kody that I feared having a child might change us. I didn’t want our relationship to change. I loved Friday movie nights. I enjoyed the car rides to Libby when we chose not to talk but to listen to an entire country album. I’ve even come to appreciate waking up early on Sunday mornings to watch Formula 1. I knew we could still do all those things with a child, but it wouldn’t be the same. Life would never be the same. These thoughts of our relationship forever changing were at the forefront of my mind leading up to the due date.

On another note, when you are pregnant, everyone (and I mean everyone!) loves to share their story. I heard at least four birth stories a week from close friends to complete strangers. I didn’t mind hearing others’ stories. It was a good reminder that every labor and delivery is different. I listened to others’ advice, recommendations, and warnings. I ignored and forgot what I didn’t fancy hearing. Of all the guidance I received, everyone failed to tell me I’d fall in love a second time. No one mentioned it, yet it has been the best part of this 10-month journey.

You might be thinking, “Of course, you fell in love with Marlow.” Yes, that is true, but I loved Poppy -> Marlow long before June 24th. I didn’t have to fall in love with her. She imprinted on my soul the day she was conceived.

People failed to tell me that I’d fall in love with my husband all over again. Kody was supportive and understanding of all my emotions during pregnancy which I was beyond grateful for. I expressed to Kody on multiple occasions that I feared labor. He usually shrugged it off and said I’d be fine, but when it came to the real deal, he showed up in every way possible.

Many Mommas have told me that the labor process becomes a blur after some time, and we soon forget the pain and discomfort we endured. I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget how Kody walked with me down the hallways as we waited for contractions to begin. I want to remember how the nurse and I forced him to leave to get food when he refused to leave my side. I want to recollect him telling me how proud he was of me during hour 3 of 4 of active labor. I want the memory of him holding our daughter for the first time stuck in my brain forever.

We knew our relationship would change as we transitioned from a couple to parents. However, we didn’t know that we would witness versions of each other that we’d immediately appreciate and adore about one another. I’ve always been in love with Kody, but I didn’t anticipate falling in love all over again. It’s been the best blessing that everyone forgot to warn me about.

The Kody and Skylar era now includes a Marlow, and I believe the best is yet to come for this family.

Find Friends is a wonderful App. I had been locating Kody since 3:15 pm to see if he had left work because we had an appointment at 4:00 sharp at the courthouse. At 3:45 pm, I called Kody from home and told him he probably should meet me in the parking lot so we wouldn’t be late. I looked down at what I was wearing, shrugged, and walked out the door with our marriage license. Waiting for the judge to call us back, we both chortled at the fact that Kody was in his work clothes, and I was wearing joggers and an oversized sweatshirt. Ten minutes later, we walked out of the courthouse hand in hand, happily and officially married. I hopped into Kody’s truck to head somewhere to eat, and we both started laughing. How incredibly memorable this experience was! Pregnant, empty courtroom, drove separately from our jobs in our work clothes! Kody said, “I can’t wait to tell Poppy about the day we got married!”

At age 25, I was living my best life; fulfilled, whole heart, and genuinely satisfied. I spent the school years teaching. I looked forward to Mondays. Fridays and Saturdays were spent in a gym coaching basketball, or I was heading out of town to meet friends. In the summers, I lived like a gypsy, only going home long enough to do laundry before heading off to another adventure. In the quiet moments, I did a lot of soul-searching and journaling about my current lifestyle and the future. I can honestly say I was at ease. I had let go of the All-American Dream of marrying and having kids in my twenties. I wasn’t even sure I wanted that life for myself anymore. I didn’t want to tap my breaks. I didn’t want to settle down. I was living a life that offered all the satisfaction my heart desired.

Kody came into my life in 2019. It wasn’t like he swept me off my feet and vice versa. It took us over two months to find time to go on our first date. Sometimes it’d take us two days to reply to each other’s text. Clearly, Kody was in the same place I was in life. Being in a relationship was not a priority. Although my instinct was to have one foot out the door, it was hard to look past how similar our core values were, with family and faith at the peak of our pyramid.

So how did such a casual relationship turn into a courthouse wedding? We both made the gamble in 2020 to say goodbye to our very settled lives and move to Kalispell together. We started unfamiliar jobs in a new town with few friends and no family. We had no one to lean on but each other. There were some tough days. We had to learn to communicate our needs and wants with respect. We learned to offer space when one needed independence. We learned how to be selfless within our relationship. For the first time in my life, I would get excited to go home at the end of the day. I stopped wanting to spend my evenings in the gym and the weekends out of town.

2020 turned into 2022.

We knew we were going to be partners for life. I wasn’t going anywhere. Kody wasn’t going anywhere. We didn’t necessarily need each other financially or even emotionally, but we chose to share a life. Life was better together. I didn’t desire to get married. I have nothing against marriage but I wasn’t interested in a wedding. We talked about getting engaged, but that’d be weird if we had no intent on having a wedding.

I remember conversing over coffee with a good friend when I was back home visiting. We talked about my move to Kalispell and if I regretted leaving my life in Fairfield behind; the coaching, my family, and all my friends. It was an easy response. “Yes, I miss Fairfield, but if I could go back and do it all over again, I’d make the same decision. Fairfield isn’t home for me anymore. Kody is my home.”

So how did two people who agreed not to get married get hitched at the courthouse?

Contrary to what many of our friends and family believe, we did not get married because we were having a baby or for insurance or tax reasons. We got married for all other reasons.
We married at the courthouse because it was our intimate way of committing to each other. We married because we chose each other. I still pick him over everyone else, even on his bad days. Kody loves me harder on days I am hard to love. When the bad times come, we are not going to run. I don’t care if we are rich or poor or if our rings are diamonds or made of silicon. I want to hold his hand until we are a hundred. If the worst happens and one of us falls sick, Kody is the one I want to sit in the hospital with. I would go to the ends of the Earth with him. Kody is the joy of my life.

I Fell in Love for a Second Time

We Got Married!