“We listen and do not judge. We keep an open mind and speak kind words.”
I repeat that statement to my students, sometimes multiple times a day. Middle schoolers can be ruthless.
So can Mommas.
It starts before you even have the baby. I heard letting your heart rate get above 140 while pregnant can be harmful to the baby. Why are you still strength training? You shouldn’t lift more than 20 lbs. Are you having a natural birth or going for an epidural? Don’t get induced. Inductions force your body to labor before it’s ready. Then the baby is born. Are you going to breastfeed? Breast is best! You’re putting your baby in daycare? Oh … the germs! Did you give your infant all their shots at once? Spacing them out is the best route. Co-sleeping? That is so very dangerous. Cry-it-out method? You’re creating attachment issues.
I have a 21-month-old feral spitfire occupying my household, so math tells me I’ve been exposed to the Momma Judgment comments for 30ish months. I’ve concluded that the judgment isn’t going to stop. Instead of daycare, it will be the age at which we allow Marlow to have a phone. What kind of car will she drive, or will we make her get a summer job, and what clothes will we allow her to wear to church?
I told myself that I wouldn’t open up my heart and offer my personal opinions if I put my thoughts to paper and published this writing to the public. Still, here I am, about to get honest without knowing who I may offend.
Fitness During and After Pregnancy
You do not need to comment about whether it’s in the Mom’s or baby’s best interest if the Momma-to-be is training during her pregnancy. I can guarantee you that Momma is ONLY thinking about the health of that growing bean instead of her uterus. I am 100% sure she has discussed her training routine with her OB. That Momma knows her body and limits better than anyone else.
Post-Postpartum bounce back? Please, shut up! Do not comment on that Momma’s appearance two weeks or two years after giving birth. You have no idea what she may be experiencing internally, physically, or emotionally.
I experienced prolapse, pelvic floor distress, and damage to my sphincter. Telling me I look great and bounced back! Thanks, but I can’t run, jump, or lift weights. Thanks for thinking I bounced back because I no longer have the extra weight around my tummy.
Natural Birth / At Home Birth / C-Section / Induced
You can write a birthing plan. You can be as detailed as having a playlist that is played starting at the time you begin the birthing process. You can have a plan, but sometimes that plan combusts, and you have no control. You can’t control if the baby is breech. You can see if you’re a candidate to try to flip the baby to head-down, but if you don’t have enough fluid, you are getting a c-section even if your original birth plan stated vaginal delivery.
I was told by more than one person that Marlow’s delivery was so long and difficult because I chose to get induced. I was told that my body was not ready to give birth and that I should have waited because my body would have naturally gone through the birthing process without the help of Pitocin. What I never told those individuals who had such strong opinions is that at my 40-week appointment, it was determined through the ultrasound that my placenta was deteriorating. My OB said I had 48 hours to see if contractions started naturally or I needed to get induced for the safety of the baby. I’m not sure if the general public knows, but a baby can’t survive in the uterus without the nutrients from a healthy placenta. I would have never watched Marlow grow into the spicy spirit she is today if I hadn’t forced my body into labor.
Stay-At-Home or Daycare
There are pros and cons to both. Do what is best for your family, and don’t (excuse my language) fucken judge others. It’s that simple.
I could continue my rant with breastfeeding vs formula, co-sleeping vs cry-it-out methods, and the vaccination situation, but I’ve made my point. We’ve got to start trusting Moms. Our jobs as Moms, whether we rear face until they are 12 or send them to private school, are hard enough. Can’t we build friendships and love one another because being a mom is the most complex job in the world?
I don’t care about your personal decisions [that do not affect me or my family] because I care about you as a person, Mom, and friend. Ask a pregnant Momma-to-be how they feel physically and mentally instead of judging their weight or fitness routine. Who cares how they deliver the baby? Regardless, it is personal, challenging, and will 100% be life-changing for them whether it goes as planned or not. There is no need to ask about daycare or whether they will stay home with the baby. Instead, offer support once the baby does arrive Earth-side. You don’t need to ask them if they want to try to breastfeed. Every Mom wants that, and if they choose it’s not best, it’s not working, or the baby doesn’t latch, I can guarantee that Mom feels guilty. You should listen and not judge. Have an open mind and speak kind words.
I believe motherhood should be something that unites women. I hope women cheer each other on instead of giving our un-valued opinions that bring each other down. I know we are all humans. It is impossible not to think negatively when someone is doing something you don’t believe in. However, how you handle that thought is totally something you can control.