I have been wanting to write about the experience of motherhood /parenthood for a couple of weeks now. I have so many thoughts I don’t know where to begin. I will share what I’ve learned, what has helped me most, and what I’ve discovered about myself.
Pushing Against Martyr Mom
Social media paints motherhood as an endless rough patch of sleepless nights, tears, and loss of identity and social life. I’m not saying this doesn’t happen. I didn’t sleep for more than three consecutive hours for the first month. Tears have fallen from frustration and fatigue. Feelings of identity loss have surfaced, and my social life looks different than it once did.
I knew motherhood would be difficult, and I was very worried about Postpartum Depression because I know so many women experience it.
Kody and I intentionally put a plan in place to ensure I was supported in the case PPD presented. Kody’s role entailed taking care of me. He was very headstrong about me being honest and open with my emotions. (I tend to crawl into a hole and suppress my feelings – hold habits). He made me promise I would ask for help. As for me, I was adamant about not subscribing to the ‘martyr mom’ narrative, and I knew the solution to combat that was to ensure I was doing what I could not to lose myself. Some of those plans included returning to work in October and daily movement.
I get asked if I plan to stay home with Marlow or at least take a year off teaching. We secured Marlow a full-time spot in daycare starting in October so I could return to work. I don’t have to work; I choose to teach because it fills my soul. Marlow and I would have all joyful days together if I stayed home with her, but that’s not best for me or our family.
Exercise looks different for me right now. I am still processing postpartum and working through unanticipated recovery challenges. I am learning to adapt to what my body can do in the season that I am in. Somedays, movement is simply pushing Marlow in the stroller for ten minutes.
The moral of the story is, to be honest with yourself. Set boundaries and expectations that allow you to thrive as a family.
Hormones
It is almost comical how wild your hormones are during pregnancy and postpartum. I truly don’t recognize myself some days. I can feel the hormones surging through me. I wonder if this is just who I am now. I snap at the dumbest things. Simple tasks seem so huge and like a big deal. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me. I have never been a crier or emotional, but I can’t even count the number of times I have looked at Kody with silent, giant tears running down my face. There is usually no reason behind these tears, and we laugh about how ridiculous these silly hormones are.
I have always been anxious, but Postpartum Anxiety is a different level of unease. I get so scared that Marlow will stop breathing or never wake up. Thank you for the invention of the Outlet Dream Sock monitor. I lay in bed, and my mind races through all the horrible things that could happen to Marlow or stress about my never-ending ‘to-do list.’ Luckily, the rational part of my brain can talk myself through the craziness. Hormones are a wild ride.
Kody + Skylar + Marlow = Family
Kody and I share a vision of what we want our lives as a family to look like, and we actively work together to fulfill that image.
There is nothing easy about transitioning to parents. As a couple, it tests you. Discussions need to be handled with care. Kody and I know what type of people we are as spouses, friends, or family members. However, we are learning who we are as Marlow’s parents. Everything is new. We do not revolve our lives around Marlow. We integrate Marlow into our lives and bring her along for the ride.
I had no idea what to expect coming into motherhood. “Is being a parent what I thought it would be?” Honestly, it’s better. Life without Marlow doesn’t make sense anymore.